The Hogwarts Herald
by PadfootPrints
Summary: Dumbledore wants to start a bi-weekly school newspaper. The Staff includes all the Marauders, Snape, Malfoy, and a few more students. Read to see the latest news of Hogwarts!
1. The Staff

A/N: This idea was inspired by author Abigail-Nicole, who started the The Gryffindor Oracle (Gryffindor Newspaper). This one will be done/read by the entire school, not just Gryffindors. It is going to take place in the Marauder's 7th year.  
  
Dumbledore wants to start a Biweekly school newspaper. So he tells the Head Boy and Girl to tell the Prefects from each house to work together to find 2 representatives from their house. These two will work for the paper. The Prefects themselves just need to watch over them, unless they wanted to contribute to the newspaper too.  
  
So off James and Lily went to tell the Prefects about the newspaper and how they needed students to join. By the end of the day, they had a list of students picked by Prefects to become a part of the committee.  
  
Gryffindor Prefects R. Lupin and N. Tonks chose: Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black.  
  
Slytherin Prefects T. Bolstrode and C. Parkinson chose: Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape.  
  
Ravenclaw Prefects S. Patil and A. Abbott chose: Donald Lovegood and Amy Rogers  
  
Hufflepuff Prefects A. Bones and A. Diggory chose: Allen Fletchsky and Vivian Starr  
  
They all met up and decided who would be doing what. It turned out that Remus Lupin was the only Prefect who wanted to be part of the newspaper. All the others just wanted to watch over the representatives. The parts were given as:  
  
Lily - Editor  
  
James- Sports  
  
Remus- Special Reporter  
  
Sirius- Advice  
  
Peter- Food and Recipes  
  
Severus- Fashion Advice (he refused to pick anything so James picked it for him)  
  
Lucius- 10 things/ways to do List (also refused to pick so he got stuck with this)  
  
Donald- Weird Things  
  
Amy- Hogwarts Studies Updates  
  
Allen- Weather  
  
Vivian- Gossip and House Points  
  
A/N: Chapter 2 will have the first issue! 


	2. Issue 1

The Hogwarts Herald   
  
Issue 1, First Week of School  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin  
  
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.  
  
-  
  
Remus: This is Remus Lupin interviewing enemies, Sirius Black and Severus Snape.  
  
Snivellus Severus: Let's get this over with.  
  
Sirius: Tsk tsk! That temper of yours! Go to some Anger Management.  
  
Remus: Well I have a few questions for you two. This is from LaLaine. "Why are you so mean to Snape? What has he done to you?"  
  
Sirius: It's quite easy to explain. He's a git. Done.  
  
Remus: This is from Carey to Severus. "If you had one word to describe yourself. What would it be?"Severus: Decent.  
  
Sirius: Decent?! Peeves is more decent than YOU!  
  
Remus: Right. Now, here's a question for you Snape. From Greg. "You're ugly." Well, that isn't technically a question but any comments to that Severus?  
  
Severus: It's the beauty inside that counts.  
  
Sirius: *snorts* Where did you get that from? Your grandmother?  
  
Remus: *talks over Sirius' and Snapes argument* Well that's it for now! See you all next week!  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Sports by James Potter  
  
Quidditch...the sport of the century  
  
-  
  
Welcome to the Sports column! For all students who would like to become part of a team, please report to the Transfiguration classroom next week at 5:00 sharp, to see what to expect if you're part of the Quidditch Team. Madame Hooch will be there to discuss the game of Quidditch and answer any question that is needed. The only part of the team that is needed at the moment is a Chaser for Ravenclaw, a Beater for Slytherin, and a Keeper for Hufflepuff. Good luck to all who want to make the team!  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black  
  
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.  
  
-  
  
Q: I often dream that I'm falling into a big hole, what does this mean?  
  
A: How am I supposed to know? What do I look like, an advice columnist or something? Go ask Professor Trelawny.  
  
-  
  
Q: Two days ago, Professor McGonagall gave me a detention for sending notes during class. Is there anyway to get out of it? Please think of something! I'll be killed by my parents if they ever find out!  
  
A: There's nothing you can do. Get over it.  
  
-  
  
Q: You turned my hair pink! How do I get rid of it!?  
  
A: I forgot...  
  
-  
  
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. He'll try and answer you in our next issue  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew  
  
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!  
  
-  
  
This week we have a special recipe! Something so exotic, so delicious, so tender and sweet. CEREAL! Yes everyone, I am going to be explaining the complicated and complex recipe of cereal. There's such a huge selection of this one of a kind food but I'll make it simple, so everyone can enjoy the cereal!  
  
Ingredients: 1 Carton of Milk, 1 Box of Cereal, 1 Bowl, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, Sugar Cubes (This is an option. Sugar cubes are added to make things sweeter!)  
  
Directions: Take the bowl and gently place it on a table. Grab your cereal box and easily pour the cereal into the bowl. Keep your eyes on the cereal to make sure no mess is made. Then the hard part comes. Add the milk to the cereal. Do not add too much milk because the cereal may indeed become soggy. If you would like to add more flavor, add sugar cubes. To make your cereal more exotic add food coloring to your cereal to add color. I especially recommend the color maroon! It brings out the color of the cereal! Now you take your spoon and eat!  
  
Don't forget to share with me!  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape  
  
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.  
  
-  
  
Pink is IN! Orange is OUT!   
  
Get rid of those old dress robes that were orange with white polka dots you gits. Pink is the new hot colour. Its not only ultra feminine, its also very flirty. Try to not get caught dead in a shiny pink though, that might put you on my tacky list. Go for a soft to bold pink but nothing too glitzy. Yes, got to love the pink. Okay. Merlin I hate this job.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy  
  
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!  
  
-  
  
10 Ways To Get That Boy To Notice You!  
  
1. Put on extremely strong perfume  
  
2. Cough a lot while he's around  
  
3. Giggle stupidly and bat your eyes a million times per second  
  
4. Talk obnoxiously loud when he's near  
  
5. Follow him around the school, even try to get into the boy's lavatory  
  
6. Send him notes, flowers, chocolates to show you care for him  
  
7. Tell all his friends you two are going out  
  
8. Occasionally do a jinx or hex on him to tell him that you're always there for him  
  
9. Talk about marriage to his parents  
  
10. Always remember to drop your quill in front of him so he can pick it up for you  
  
Now if you do these things and the boy still doesn't talk to you, find a new person to like!  
  
~~~~~~  
  
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood  
  
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....  
  
-  
  
Beneath the Waves  
  
Merpeople, what do we REALLY know about them? Are we supposed to trust them? What if they just PRETEND to be nice to us, so we continue to swim in their lake. Perhaps they're planning againest us. Maybe while we're swimming, they come up to take our picnic food! Or maybe they try to steal our clothes that we leave next to the shore? I don't recall having my purple hat after taking a nice little nap by the lake...  
  
-  
  
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers  
  
Homework is Fun-work!  
  
-  
  
No homework for now. So have fun..while it lasts.. But be prepared for essays when the time comes!  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky  
  
Cool and breezy, perfect Quidditch conditions. Get out there!  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr  
  
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!  
  
-  
  
Gryffindor: 25  
  
Ravenclaw: 23.64  
  
Hufflepuff: 19  
  
Slytherin: 10  
  
-  
  
Hello everyone! This week there's rumors flying around that Severus Snape is deeply in love with Lily Evans! It's just a rumor but it seems that both are denying that there's any form of relationship between the two.  
  
"Bloody hell! That creep?! I wouldn't date him if he was the last man alive!" screeched Lily.  
  
Ah yes, love in denial! It seems as though Snape isn't the only wizard who has something for Evans.  
  
"Lily Evans is the most beautiful girl I've seen. She's extremely talented as well," says James Potter, Gryffindor Chaser on the Quidditch Team. Then James adds, "By the way Snivellus, Lily's mine and don't go near her! She sees enough of your grease stains!"  
  
"Get a grip on yourself Potter! I'm not YOURS!" shouts Lily.  
  
At this point, people have witnessed James trying to hug Lily and Lily ended up setting Stinkpellets and Dungbombs near him. His stench hasn't been unnoticeable. Very unfortunate case. This is the gossip of the week and if any fellow student that would like to share any gossip, please send me an owl!  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: So...how did you like it? Review! Tell us how we can improve. Got a question for Sirius? Put it in a review and Sirius might answer it! Got a request for a dish recipe? Peter will whip one up for you ASAP! (No guarantee it'll actually work. Lol) 


	3. Issue 2

The Hogwarts Herald  
  
Issue 2, First Week and a half  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin  
  
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.  
  
-  
  
Remus: I am here today with Alexander Clearwater and James Potter. We are going to be discussing about the differences between the houses of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw.   
  
James: Well it's obvious which house is better, Gryffindor!!  
  
Alexander: I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.  
  
James: *mocking in a squeaky voice* I'll excuse your arrogance, Mr. Potter.  
  
Alexander: Well I personally believe that the differences between the two houses lay in the field of intelligence. Ravenclaws are by far superior when it comes to learning.  
  
James: So explain why I'm smarter than everyone in your house!  
  
Alexander: Because you cheat!  
  
James: I do not! YOU cheated off of me!!! How dare you say such a hideous lie!! I'll spit on you! *cock-tueey*  
  
Remus: Break it up you guys! BREAK IT UP!!  
  
James: SHE'S a DISGRACE to Ravenclaw!!!  
  
Alexander: I'm not a female!! I'm a male!!  
  
James: Well you sure look like a female...  
  
Alexander: Your completely pointless comments do not trouble us. Your useless brain must be the size of a pea. I sympathize you.  
  
James: Well, guess what?! Your brain is size of a grain of rice!! Beat that!  
  
Remus: OKAY! STOP FIGHTING BOTH OF YOU!! *Alexander and James stop talking instantly* YOU BOTH ARE ARGUING OVER NOTHING!! STOP NOW!!  
  
James: We already stopped Remus...  
  
Remus: Oh. Ehhem. *rustles with shirt's collar* Well, this is the end of our interview with Mr. Potter and Miss, I mean MR. Clearwater.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sports by James Potter  
  
Quidditch...the sport of the century  
  
-  
  
Welcome! Quidditch try-outs are going to be held at the Quidditch Pitch next Tuseday! Arrive there at 5:30 P.M. and please be on time! The new members of the team will be announced after about a week or so. Please be prepared for the try-outs by bringing everything that is needed. Madame Hooch will be there to greet you all and will briefly discuss about Quidditch. Try your best and good luck to all who try out!   
  
  
  
Tips:  
  
* Be prepared  
  
* Listen and follow the directions  
  
* Follow ALL rules! If you break a rule or more, it is unlikely that you will be chosen!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black  
  
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.  
  
-  
  
Q: I wanted to do something horrible to Snape or Malfoy that I won't get in trouble for. Who would you do this to and what do you suggest I do?  
  
A: Meet me in front of Zonko's on the first trip to Hogsmeade. Bring lots of money. Oh, a box of new socks would be excellent too!  
  
-  
  
Q: My frenDz hAytE ghEttiNg mAiL frUm mEeH. WhY dO yOO thInK thAt isSsS?  
  
A: Oh I DoN't kNoO. PeRhaPs iTs b-cUz iT TaKes fOreVeR tO ReAd iT!  
  
-  
  
Q: This girl says I'm a loser when I asked her out. Why?  
  
A: Probably because you are a loser. The truth hurts, I'm sorry you're ugly.  
  
-  
  
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew  
  
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!  
  
-  
  
Believe it or not, but this time we're cooking Ramen Noodles!!Yes!I can see what you're thinking! You're thinking, 'This is impossible! How can I cook such a wonderful meal without any problems?!' Well the Food King is here to give you the BEST and one of a kind recipes! Get ready for some exciting cooking!  
  
  
  
Ingredients:1 cup of Ramen Noodles, Water, 1 Spoon, 1 Napkin, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook  
  
  
  
Directions: Take your cup of Ramen noodles and open the cover just a bit, not too much but not too little. We don't want your noodles to get soggy or too soft! Pour water into it until it reaches the line at the top. If you put more than that, it'll turn out VERY yucky. If you put too little it, it'll be as dry as a rock! Now place the cup inside the Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook.   
  
Set the microwave for 1 minute. If you would like, you could watch the microwave and count down until it's done. Take it out VERY, VERY carefully! *Warning: If you do not be careful, you WILL BURN yourself. I repeat, if you aren't careful enough, you WILL get burned!* Let it cool off for about 1 minute, but if you're a bit frightened that it might burn your mouth, then wait for 5 whole minutes. Yes, 5 WHOLE MINUTES! I know, I know. It's a disaster, but it will be quite all right. Don't worry. After your noodles have cooled off, take your spoon ( I recommend using a plastic spoon, so no harm can be done) and then you eat!  
  
  
  
Don't forget to share with me!  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape  
  
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.  
  
-  
  
Hat Attack!  
  
Hats are SOO last week, you dolt! Black pointy ones are anyway. It seems the Muggleworld has taken this stereotype too far again by putting it on even more television shows so once again, it is OUT! But of course, once something is out, something new is IN! The growing popularity is now 'Mickey Mouse Ear Hats". How these became popular I'll never know, but it seems that more and more witches and wizards are sporting this hip new look of two round ears on a "baseball cap". Don't ask me where to get it because its made by some Walt-Disney muggle and I really have no idea who he is. Stupid fashion, I STILL hate this job.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy  
  
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!  
  
-  
  
10 Ways To Piss Off A Ravenclaw Student  
  
1. Make a lot of noise  
  
2. Throw a book on the ground  
  
3. Say, "I hate homework."  
  
4. Get a higher score on a test than them  
  
5. Raise your hand higher than they can  
  
6. Go to the library and don't read anything  
  
7. Sing rap/hip-hop songs while amongst them  
  
8. Quote something from Sitffler from American Pie  
  
9. Discuss how intellect can only get you so far in life loudly in front of them  
  
10. Use big words that even they won't understand  
  
I guarantee these will drive the house mad. Do YOU need suggestions on how to do something? Send me, Lucius Malfoy, soon to be Minister of Magic, an owl, and MAYBE if you're pure enough, I'll "help" you.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood  
  
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....  
  
-  
  
Cats, are they really that boring? Or is there more to them?  
  
Many cat owners say they love their pets because they're so loyal, but what does this loyalty consist of? Your reporter went on a school wide search to find out what makes cats "loyal" animals.  
  
S.D., 4th Year: My cat can read my mind and I can read his. He's saying he wants to eat you right about...........now.  
  
E.C. 2nd Year: My feline friends know how to cook for me! I swear its true! This one time, at band camp, I was starving after flute lessons, and in came my kitty, with a basket full of picnic food! It was so magical!  
  
P.P. 7th Year: I'm scared of cats. I used to have one, he used to get my mail for me, deliver my packages, do my online shopping for me too. But one day, he tried to kill me, so I sat on him. Ever since then, I don't trust any cats.  
  
At the end of my search, I concluded that cats are indeed quite loyal pets, that can be ruthless killers as well. Oh what's that's tingly yet sharp knawing feeling at my feet? Oh hello Pumpkin Paws!   
  
-  
  
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers  
  
Homework is Fun-work!  
  
-  
  
Homework is coming soon! Be on the lookout for essays and pop quizzes! *gets excited*   
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky  
  
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...  
  
-  
  
For the rest of the week and into the weekend, these early Septermber days will be long and COLD! That's right, not even a hint of sun coming along. You should have taken advantage of the cool days for Quidditch when I told you because the frigid winds from the north isn't leaving for days! Its still a playble condition, but beware of gusts of wind coming from the northern end of the pitch. Fly safely and don't forget to wear that extra undershirt!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr  
  
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!  
  
-  
  
Ravenclaw: 26.85  
  
Gryffindor: 26  
  
Hufflepuff: 21  
  
Slytherin: 20  
  
  
  
There's more gossip this week! There's a rumor spreading around that the Forbidden Forest is going to be cut down completely. No more threstals, centaurs or unicorns! Is this rumor REALLY true?  
  
"Yep! That's what I heard! The Forbidden Forest is going down! Maybe Hagrid won't bring any more of those monstrous beasts. *shiver* I would rather work with flobberworms..." says disgruntled Hufflepuff, 4th year.  
  
It's not quite a sure fact, but lets hope that the Forbidden Forest stays with Hogwarts. Now on to even more interesting gossip. It was said that Severus Snape was caught in a dress full of pink daiseys and tulips. Yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard it! Snape in a dress! The student, who prefers to remain anoymenus due to certain circumstances, has taken a picture of Snape while this happened.  
  
"Snivellus deserved what he got! Making fun of him and doing pranks on him are one of the highlights of my day!" exclaims the student.  
  
How did he manage to find Snape in a dress and why was he in a dress? We do not know and we probably DO NOT want to know.  
  
"Well it was quite simple! It's the magic of modern computers!" snickers the student.   
  
Computers are electronic devices used by Muggles.  
  
"WHAT'S THIS!?! THIS CLEARLY ISN'T ME! HOW REVOLTING!I FIND THIS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!" shouts Snape as his voice echoes a mile away. "THIS ISN'T ME! THIS-THIS IS MY LONG LOST COUSIN! HE LOOKS LIKE ME!" says Snape in a rather nervous voice.  
  
Yes, yes. Whatever you say. We don't really want to know the ACTUAL story behind it. What a disturbing case. Soon, pictures of Snape in a dress were plastered all over the corriders, making them practically impossible to take the picture off the wall. Well that's the gossip for this time!   
  
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!   
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: All issues after this one will be written by 4 authors, not just Flo and Jen! Sensational guest writers Kym and Ble will be joining the team for this special fic! Issues will be written by the four of us until school starts, (August 25th) then it will probably switch back to just Flo and Jen. 


	4. Issue 3

The Hogwarts Herald  
  
Issue 3, Week 2  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin  
  
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.  
  
-  
  
Remus: This week I am interviewing Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. They have agreed to share a memorable event which was skating. Muggles wear these shoes that have four wheels attached to them and then glide around. They (including me) decided to try it out at our own risk.  
  
Sirius: *rubs behind* Ouch...painful experience...quite painful...  
  
James: I've got bruises twice the size of a galleon! I can barely move.  
  
Remus: Well you all fell before you even entered the skating rink!  
  
Sirius: It's Peter's fault! He fell, then I tripped over him, then James toppled over too.  
  
Peter: It was NOT my fault! I lost control of my skirts!  
  
Remus: They're called skates Peter..  
  
Peter: Whatever. Same difference.  
  
James: *says sarcastically* Hm... I wonder why you fell...Oh I dunno..Maybe 'cause you put the skates on the wrong foot!  
  
Peter: I was new at this. At least I didn't crash into people like a maniac like Sirius did!  
  
Sirius: For YOUR information, I ONLY crashed into 6 people!  
  
James: I crashed into 2 people.  
  
Peter: 3 people for me.  
  
Remus: The wall for me...  
  
Remus: Anyways, this is the end of our interview! See you all next time!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sports by James Potter  
  
Quidditch...the sport of the century  
  
-  
  
Many students showed up to try out to become a new member of the Quidditch teams for each House. The names of those who have made the team are the following:  
  
* Justin Lason (Ravenclaw Chaser)  
  
* Calvin Dane (Slytherin Beater)  
  
* Susie Trone (Keeper of Hufflepuff)  
  
Congratulations to those people! Now the real game begins! Quidditch matches start in October!  
  
The match of Slytherin versus Gryffindor will take place on the 28th of October! GO GRYFFINDOR!! WE CAN BEAT THOSE SLIMY GITS!! Anyways, the teams will be practicing day and night and I'll keep you updated about practice and more!  
  
Note to those who keep cheering "GO JAMES! CATCH THAT SNITCH!" I am NOT a seeker! I'm a chaser! Where do you guys get that I'm a seeker from?  
  
A/N: Reread Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone! Don't base facts from the movies.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black  
  
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.  
  
-  
  
Q: What can I do to be better lookin'?  
  
A: Face it, dude. You're NEVER gonna be as hott as me.  
  
-  
  
Q: There's a guy that likes me and keeps asking me out. I don't want to be mean. What should I do?  
  
A: Go out with me and I'll tell him you're taken!!  
  
-  
  
Q: I need a good jinx to put on Severus. Can you think of a good one?  
  
A: Oh YEAH! The list goes out the door. Meet me and we'll talk...for a price of course.  
  
-  
  
Q: How self-absorbed are you!?!  
  
A: Very. But I prefer to call it self-love.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew  
  
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!  
  
-  
  
Welcome everyone! I hoped you enjoyed my latest recipes! This time we'll be making PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES! Yes! I can feel the excitement! This is an EXREMELY difficult delicacy to create, so please take the time to read the instructions thoroughly before starting! Now on to our cooking.  
  
  
  
Ingredients: 2 slices of bread, 1 jar of jelly, 1 jar of peanut butter, 2 butterknives, and 1 napkin  
  
  
  
Directions: Take your two slices of bread and lay them on the table side to side.   
  
Afterwards, grab your knife (be VERY careful, butterknives have been known to give DEEP cuts if not handled correctly! Ask an adult to help!) and scoop some of the jelly from the jar. Put a decent amount onto one side of the bread (I like to put about 1 kilogram of jelly on my bread).   
  
Now take your knife and scoop peanut butter onto your other piece of bread on one side.*Warning: Do not overflow your sandwich with jelly and peanut butter. It might be hazardous to small children.*   
  
Once that's done, put the two pieces of bread together so that the jelly and peanut butter are in the middle. Be sure to use your napkin if any mess is made! Now you can eat!  
  
  
  
Don't forget to share with me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape  
  
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.  
  
-  
  
Moccasin Madness!  
  
The new item are moccasins! Yes, you heard right, moccasins! Now, I know many of you are wondering, what are moccasins? Well I, Severus Snape alias FASHION QUEEN, I mean, KING, will explain. Moccasins are a soft leather heelless shoe or boot with the sole brought up the sides of the foot and over the toes where it is joined with a puckered seam to a U-shaped piece lying on top of the foot. Believe it or not, these shoes are rather comfortable! They seem to be replacing regular sneakers and dress shoes in all of the houses. The frenzy seems to be scaring some cattle farmers because they fear that the rage will come to a point where children might become cow-poachers! I believe I am starting to like this job.   
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy  
  
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!  
  
-  
  
10 Ways to Make a Girl Cry  
  
Are you just looking for some good ol' fun by hurtin' a girl's feelings? Here's how!  
  
1. Call them fat.  
  
2. Ask them if they got their clothing from the Rag Shop.  
  
3. Flick peas in their hair during supper.  
  
4. Tell them that they could put all the make-up in the world on and they'd still look like a toad.  
  
5. Ask them if that pimple on their nose was a spell that went wrong.  
  
6. Date their boyfriend.  
  
7. Make fun of their hair.  
  
8. Point and laugh at them until they can't take the pressure anymore.  
  
9. Pinch them really hard.  
  
10. Jinx them.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood  
  
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....  
  
-  
  
There's something fishy about fish...  
  
I don't know about you, but if I'm swimming underwater at night, I wouldn't be able to see a thing. How do fish do it? Do they have secret underwater goggles? Or maybe ultra nightvision? How are the fish of the lake able to swim around without running into a rock or some floating purple hats that were left behind by merpeople? Here's what the student body believes,  
  
"Fish have laser beams in their eyes that let them shoot whatever is in front of them and blasting it into a million, maybe a BILLION pieces! Then they won't hit anything!"  
  
"I think the fish communicate to each other, and they tell each other where the bait and fishers are located so they won't run into them. I heard them the other day, they went *bloop, bloop...bloop bloop bloop arrrrghetech*!"  
  
"Fish are stupid."  
  
-  
  
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers  
  
Homework is Fun-work!  
  
-  
  
I have heard rumors from 5th year Hufflepuff that the Potions Master is going to give all 6th and 7th years a pop quiz between now and the end of the week, so stay alert for that! 3rd years down must watch for Charms essays, I heard one Gryffindor 2nd year that he has been assigned a 2 footer! As for 4th years, beware of Transfiguration! McGonagall always tests on the last Friday of every month for your year!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky  
  
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...  
  
-  
  
CAUTION WHEN FLYING! It looks like this week will be wet and windy! A hurricane that was supposed to be heading toward Florida in the U.S. has SOMEHOW turned off course and is now heading toward England! It is currently a category 3 hurricane but can turn into a 5 (deadly) overnight. Avoid walking outside from now till Friday and if you must, I urge you to strap on a 20 kilogram weight so you don't fly away. Happy sailing!  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr  
  
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!  
  
-  
  
Hufflepuff: 56  
  
Slytherin: 52  
  
Gryffindor: 45  
  
Ravenclaw: 38.4865  
  
-  
  
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Lily is of course!" James Potter was spotted saying just a few hours ago. 3 students, who wish to remain anonymous reported to me, Vivian Starr, that the super Chaser of Gryffindor house was caught in an empty classroom talking to a mirror, appearently practicing lines that he was going to say to Lily Evans.  
  
"Yeah, Jamesipoo has it bad for her. He was holding flowers in one hand and chocolate frogs in the other. Remus can show you exactly what he was doing! Show her Remy!!" says one source.  
  
"No." Person B says.  
  
"Sirius, Remus, we're supposed to be staying anonymous!" squeaked Person C.  
  
I asked Lily Evans what she thinks of all this and this is what she had to say,  
  
"Sick freak."  
  
-  
  
In other news, many Ravenclaws seem to be feeling the anxiety of homework. As I was making my way to my table for dinner, I heard one 4th year Ravenclaw say to her friend,   
  
"I, can't take, it, anymore." Her friend meanwhile was twitching and blinking one eye at a time. As I began observing the rest of the table, I noticed that many of them weren't eating and doing homework and others just sleeping. The reason for all this?  
  
"Those Gryffindors are somehow scoring one to five points more than us on tests! We can't let them beat us! We will fight to the death! Where are my Chinese stars and switchblades? AHHH!!!!! I have FOUND THEM!"  
  
Okay....psychos...I mean, keep up the good work, maybe you'll beat them!  
  
Send me an owl if there are any rumors/gossip that you would like to share!  
  
~~~~~~ 


	5. Issue 4

The Hogwarts Herald  
  
Issue 4, Week 2 and a Half  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin  
  
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.  
  
-  
  
Remus: I am here today with James Potter and Lily Evans. Now I have some questions for both of you from our readers.  
  
James: Alright.  
  
Remus: 'Why don't you like James? He has a great personality and he's good looking.' This is from Jenna.  
  
Lily: If you like him, of all people, so much, then you go out with him! I don't care if he showers me with roses, brings me diamonds worth millions of galleons, and have my name in fireworks!  
  
James: Well I didn't really do all of that. But you could have this Chocolate Frog! *pulls out candy from his pocket*  
  
Lily: *look of disgust* It looks like that Chocolate Frog has been in your pocket since last semester!  
  
James: No, no Lily dear. It has been in my pocket since 5 months ago. There's a big difference, sweetums.  
  
Remus: Moving on! Before either of you rip each others heads off and knaw at the ends...Here's another question. 'James, I love you. I've loved you ever since I laid my eyes on you. Will you go out with me James, dear?'  
  
James: Why Remus, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!  
  
Remus: James, get real. Anyways, that was from..LILY EVANS?!  
  
James/Lily: WHAT?  
  
James: Why Lily, I never knew you felt that way. How shocking!  
  
Lily: Shut up! I never wrote that! *throws a tantrum* I can't believe someone did that! This is outragous! Whoever did this will pay!! Be afraid! Be very afraid!! *steam over Lily's head becomes very visable*  
  
James: To answer your question, Lily. I will go out-  
  
Lily: *finishes James sentence* -your mom! You will go out with your mom! NOT me! *storms off* I hope you get eaten by the giant squid and get spit back out!!!  
  
Remus: Well..Ehhem. That interview was quite..enchanting..We'll see you next time!  
  
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Sports by James Potter  
  
Quidditch...the sport of the century  
  
-  
  
This is the Sports column and welcome once again! The training for the big match is intense! No matter if it rains or snows, the teams are out there training! Pushing themselves past the limit!   
  
The Gryffindor team is becoming better and better every day, but as for the Slytherin team..You guys better shape up! Being the sports columnist, I went to the Quidditch Pitch on the day the Slytherin team was training, and believe me it was not a pretty site.   
  
Reggie Kests, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch Team, was shouting and demanding more progress from his fellow team mates. No success. Beaters, Dane and Fray, have been seen hitting not the bludgers, but members of the team by accident. Even the chasers are beginning to lose concentration, by throwing the Quaffle at the wrong end of the field.  
  
"We're training so hard, but we don't get a break! Reggie won't let us! I'm starting to think some of us are starting to snap! I thought Reggie's head was a blugder, and I smacked him a bit too hard. But he's good as new though, only a black eye, a messed up lip, a bit of a crooked nose and a large lump on his forehead," exclaims Beater, Fray.  
  
More pressure builds up for the Slytherin team, but as for the Gryffindor team, the Quidditch Cup will be ours!! The Gryffindor Team is training and practicing new moves everyday! Team mates are working together to make a better team. The Chasers, Beaters, Keeper and Seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, have made huge progress beyond your imagination! The results, well, you'll see at the Quidditch match. I assure you that it's bloody brilliant and the Gryffindors won't be upset! Good luck to the teams!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black  
  
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.  
  
-  
  
Q: I like a guy and he think I'm cute but he won't go out with me. He's two years older than me and says I'm too young! Why won't he just go out with me if he thinks I'm cute, and how am I too young?  
  
A: Girls are NEVER to young for me... Unless you are a first or second year LOSER! Then we'd have problems... I have a reputation to maintain, ya know...  
  
-  
  
Q: I keep getting F's in Potions! What am I supposed to do!?  
  
A: Uh... try S-T-U-D-Y-I-N-G!! Hello!!  
  
-  
  
Q: Dude, you are like the COOLEST!! Okay, so there's this chick I like... and I wanna ask her out... but I don't know how to let her know I like her... can you help me?A  
  
: Pretend to slip and fall onto her in the hallway. Then just be like "Wow, you're looking awfully pretty this position!!"  
  
-  
  
Q: SOMEONE KEEPS PLAYING A PRANK ON ME BY SENDING ME HOWLERS EVERY MORNING! HOW CAN I GET THEM TO STOP!?  
  
A: Maybe you shouldn't have told me to buzz off... I mean, I don't know what you should do. I guess you should just get some earmuffs or somethin' ...  
  
-  
  
Q: Everyone keeps laughing at me because my spells keep going wrong and turning my hair funny colors and making me grow warts and all this other uncool stuff!!! This isn't fair! What should I do?  
  
A: Oh WAA WAA. Boo-frickin'-hoo! Get over it and start practicing your spells while everyone else is unavailable to laugh at you... Though I'm probably going to be watching you like a hawk now so that I can point and laugh just to make you cry...  
  
`  
  
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew  
  
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!  
  
-  
  
Welcome to another cooking recipe! Why do we have to cook gourmet food with juicy, tender steak full of smooth sauce, surrounded with delicious pork chops cut into perfect squares, when you could cook CRACKERS AND CHEESE!! Yay! Crackers and cheese can make your day! Now, let's can start cooking!  
  
   
  
Ingredients: Crackers, slices of cheese, 1 napkin, 1 knife  
  
   
  
After getting all your ingredients, place your crackers on a table. Put the slices of cheese onto the crackers, nice and easy. You never know when the cheese could fall off. Be sure, to cut the cheese into appropriate sizes for your crackers. For me, I stack all my cheese on one cracker and eat from there.   
  
CAUTION: When you're using a knife, BE CAREFUL! Have a  mature, grown, knife-handling adult to handle the tough things.   
  
If you have remaining cheese, don't throw them away! There's only one way to get rid of those leftovers..give them to me!! Some people may call me the food disposal, and for good reason! I can eat anything!   
  
   
  
Don't forget to share with me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape  
  
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.  
  
-  
  
Bubble Wrap Bonanza!  
  
Tired of wearing regular shirts to Hogsmeade that people don't notice? Well you're in luck, because a new fashion has come in to replace those old, ragged t-shirts! Introducing, BUBBLE WRAP! Yes, you heard it first from me, Severus Snape, fashion expert! Being an avid fan of this crazy new trend, I'd have to say they're the best thing since Number 2 quills!  They're light, comfortable, AND cheap. Did I mention they can also save your life? Well they can! If you were to fall off a tree, you'd be cushioned by the air bubbles of your bubble wrap, as I myself have experienced due to a few brats who shall remain nameless for the time being. Yes, this new trend is definately worth following! I hate Potter and Black.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy  
  
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!  
  
-  
  
10 Ways To Have Your Apparating License Confiscated  
  
Want to get rid of your hard earned Apparating License in a jiffy? Here's how!  
  
1. Wave it madly in front of Argus Filtch and say, "Haha, you squib!"  
  
2. Apparate into the Minister of Magic's bathroom and leave a present for him.  
  
3. Apparate into all the professor's rooms and touch everything in sight.  
  
4. Speak loudly about having it in front of everyone. Act really cocky.  
  
5. Apparate out of detention or any other punishments.  
  
6. Apparate into the headmaster's office and poke him in his sleep.  
  
7. Apparate everywhere you go.  
  
8. Refuse to walk and tell people, "Walking is so last semester"  
  
9. Apparate in front of professors and scream, "You can't stop meeeh!" and then disapparate.  
  
10. Throw the license at the person who issued it to you.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood  
  
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....  
  
-  
  
A Werewolf, At Hogwarts?  
  
"There's something very suspicious going around, I've been suspecting a WEREWOLF at Hogwarts! I know it seems crazy, but it's very real! i've heard howls and everything!" quotes a Hufflepuff 1st year.  
  
Can it be true? Could dangerous animal like a werewolf really be wandering the lawns of Hogwarts? I thought this 1st year was a little delusional until I heard a howl one night too! I was in the Ravenclaw common room, when all of a sudden the moon snuck out from behind the clouds and then there was a loud howl, coming from the direction of the Forbidden Forest. The rest of my house heard it as well, so the next morning, I went and asked Headmaster Dumbldore about it. Here's what he said,  
  
"There are many creatures that reside in our forest, but let me assure you, there are no werewolves in there at this time."  
  
Having heard it straight from Dumbledore's mouth, I have full confidence that there are no werewolves in the Forest. But a few students are still not sure if Dumbledore was truly right.  
  
"I'm still worried that one will bite me," says a 2nd year from Slytherin.  
  
"I like werewolves. Werewolves are cool, right Remus?" says a 7th year from Gryffindor.  
  
"Almost as cool as the dogs, deer, or rats that they like to eat," says another 7th year from Gryffindor.  
  
-  
  
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers  
  
Homework is Fun-work!  
  
-  
  
Seems like all the Slytherins have been slacking! Their house is doing the worst in everyclass except for Potions. You guys better clean up your act before you all get held behind! As for the Hufflepuff 5th years, good job! I heard you all got 100% on your tests. The 6th years from Hufflepuff could really get study tips from you guys. They're only getting 95% on their tests! Shame! Notice to all students, Astronomy classes will be cancelled for all students attending the 9:45 AM lesson on Tuesday. Such a disappointment, I was looking foward to diagramming Jupiter's moons too! Go Ravenclaws!  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
The Weather by Allen Fletchsky  
  
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...  
  
-  
  
The Weather  
  
It seems the hurricane that threatened Hogwarts last week has blown over to France and will be staying there for about a week or two. From now till the end of the week there will be lots of sun and cool breezes. Take advantage of it and head outside to practice Quidditch as much as possible because there's no guarentee it'll be this nice for the rest of fall.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr  
  
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!  
  
-  
  
Slytherin: 75  
  
Gryffindor: 72  
  
Hufflepuff: 65  
  
Ravenclaw: 64.55555  
  
-  
  
Some students say that they've spotted tentacles popping out of the lake here and there snatching and grabbing at innocent students just enjoying a sunny day cooling themselves down at such a beautiful lake.  
  
   
  
5th year from Ravenclaw: "I saw those green mossy tentacles come up and attempt to snatch a friend of mine! I swear my eyes were fine!"  
  
3rd Year from Hufflepuff: "Yes yes! Those ugly, long, groping long noodly thingies just came up and started snatching at a girls hair! ...funny how it ended up braided when she realized the tentacles were there...."  
  
-  
  
Now just in, we have reason to believe that Peter Pettigrew, 7th year in Gryffindor, is going out with a very pretty Hufflepuff, Allison Eisyle. Here's what his friends had to say about it.  
  
"Peter? REALLY? That's a miracle! Good job man!" James Potter shouted.  
  
"Yes, congratulations buddy," agreed Remus Lupin.  
  
"Allison? She said she'd go out with me! WAAAAAA!!!!" Sirius cried.  
  
Yes, it has just been confirmed. I just saw them walking together, hand in hand. How cute! Well thats all the gossip from this time. See you in Issue 5, Week 3!  
  
-----------  
  
A/N: Thanks for reviewing and leaving comments for us guys! As you can see, we used some for Sirius' advice column. We also decided to make Peter have something nice happen to him since one great reviewer was getting sad that we always act mean to him. Anyway, thanks for reading, you're all the best! 


	6. Issue 5

The Hogwarts Herald  
  
Issue 5, Week 3  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Special Reporter by Remus Lupin  
  
Getting you the facts, straight from the mouth of the people.  
  
-  
  
Remus: I am here today interviewing Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, James Potter, talking about their pathetic-I mean-interesting love life.  
  
James: I heard that..  
  
Remus: *clears throat* Anyways..Peter, you have been going out with the lovely Allison Eisyle. What do you have to say about her?  
  
Peter: She's nice. She taught me how to transfigure a paper clip into a flobberworm. It was so exciting!  
  
Remus: Enchanting. Now James, how's your love life coming along? Still going after Miss Evans?  
  
James: Of course. Lily is the love of my life, my soulmate, my cheesecake--  
  
Remus: Cheesecake? *stares at James* You know, you have a chance of -7 out of 15 billion to be going out with Lily.  
  
James: Negative seven isn't so bad.  
  
Remus: Trust me buddy, it is. Now Sirius, people are curious if you are single.  
  
Sirius: No I'm taken--*groaning from the female population is heard from a distance*--by Rachel Kenthal.  
  
Remus: Oh. The prefect!  
  
James: Remus, why don't you tell our readers out there about your love life? Let's hear it from our special reporter himself! *smiles widely* Are you single? Do you find anyone attractive in Hogwarts? Do you see yourself 10 years later in an igloo costume?  
  
Remus: No. Yes. No.  
  
Sirius: Who's the special girl Remus?! Is that why you leave every day at 5:00 and give excuses like, "I left my ink bottle in Divination class," and then you come back 3 hours later...  
  
Remus: Yes. I'm going out with Janice Tyster. She's a real sweetheart and absolutely beautiful.  
  
Sirius: Oh yes, and how long have you been seeing her?  
  
Remus: Just a few months.  
  
James: A few months? A few months!? Shame on you Remus. *wiggles finger* You never told us!  
  
Remus: Well whenever I went out with someone, you guys would tackle her and congratulate her every 5 minutes, practically stalking her.  
  
Sirius: We wanted to show her how much love we had for her since she was dating you!  
  
Remus: You broke her ankle once..A little too much affection don't you think?  
  
Sirius: There's no such thing as too much love. Same as, 'there's no such thing as too much galleons!'  
  
Remus: Okay well today's interview is over for now! Join me next time!  
  
Do you want to me to interview anyone in particular? If so, leave an Owl, and we'll see if that person is willing to spend a few moments with us.  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Sports by James Potter  
  
Quidditch...the sport of the century  
  
-  
  
Welcome to the Sports Column! In the last issue, we had the teams training and practicing and they still are. The Slytherin Team is improving immensely. Beaters, Dane and Fray, are no longer smacking the deadly bludgers to teammates and as for the Chasers, they finally realized which end of the field they were supposed to score in.  
  
"We're getting loads better. The Slytherin team is ready for this match. We are nimble and determined to win this game and the Cup!" exclaimes Reggie, captain.  
  
This competition is going to be intense because Gryffindor is working on more strategies to trounce Slytherin. The Chasers' skills are unbelievable (5 scores within 3 minutes) and the Seeker has managed to find the Snitch in a snap. Though the Keeper of Gryffindor, Jessy Loryn, is losing a bit of her touch, letting the Quaffle slip right through her fingers. But the more practice, the more progress is made. Gryffindor, with no doubt, will be successful! The Quidditch match is coming soon so be prepared for some serious Quidditch!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Serious Advice, by Sirius Black  
  
If my advice doesn't work for you....then you're screwed.  
  
-  
  
Q: Sirius, you are seriously so cool. Can you be serious and seriously go out with me?  
  
A: Seriously, no.  
  
Q: I don't have any friends and I really want some. Could you help me?  
  
A: Get some rocks and put smiley faces on them. I'm sure they'll be your friend. No denying in that.  
  
Q: I hear voices at night and I don't know why! They scare me! HELP ME!  
  
A: Close the door when you're sleeping so you don't hear people talking in the common room.  
  
Q: I keep falling everywhere I go! I trip and bruise, scrape, and hurt myself all the time! What can I do to help myself from getting hurt again?  
  
A: Wear knee pads, elbow pads and a helmet!  
  
-  
  
If you need some advice from Sirius, send him an owl. If you've got questions, he's got answers.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Food and Recipes by Peter Pettigrew  
  
Food is good for your soul, but better for my stomach, so share!  
  
-  
  
This week we are learning how to warm up soup! How brilliant is that? Sadly, this was not my creation, but oh how I wish it was. Warming up soup is a tradition in many families. Boiling water is a even bigger tradition, but enough about that. Let's begin!  
  
Ingredients: Soup (Tomato soup, carrot soup, watery soup, pickle soup, whatever pleases your heart), 1 bowl, 1 spoon, 1 Very-Good-Microwave-That-Can-Withstand-Something-Very-Hard-To-Cook, and 1 napkin (cleaning purposes)  
  
Directions: Place your bowl on the table. Take your soup (canned or made) and gently, VERY gently, pore it into your bowl.   
  
CAUTION: Be extremely cautious because disasterous floods of soup may cause an ample amount of liquid floating through your house. (That almost happened to me. Actually, I killed my ant named Zeldo, he drowned from the soup. It was horrible...)  
  
Now back to the cooking!! Okay now you take the bowl and carefully place it into the microwave. Make it cook for 1 minute and wait. Now if one minute isn't enough because your soup is still cold, then cook it for 30 more seconds. Once that's done, use your spoon to stir it around and around. Blow on it to make sure its not too hot because if it is, you could die! Once ABSOLUTLY sure that its not too hot, and not to cold, you can EAT!  
  
Remember to share with me!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape  
  
I know fashion. If these latest trends don't catch someone's eye, that person is blind.  
  
-  
  
Lotion Commotion!  
  
Lotion, how many of us use it? I bet all of us will after I tell you ITS THE NEW ITEM! With Bubble Wrap being the new trend for clothes, I thought I'd help you find the best item to go with it. We (being the cool people who follow my trends) have all experienced the feeling of being inside plastic bubble wrap. It gets sticky sometimes, so the solution? Lotion! Yes, they come in so many different colors and smells that make you feel so good about wearing it! Afraid of getting burned? Lotion can also prevent sunburns by blocking out the rays! Its really quite amazing what this stuff can do! Now, don't try brewing it, because I, the potions master, can't even do it! Its something muggles have thought of so buy it from them. If you sincerely hate THEM, ask someone else to buy it for you, as I, fashion extrodinaire, have done. Happy Lotioning!  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
10 Things/Ways To Do Something by Lucius Malfoy  
  
Need to learn how to get a boyfriend, fast? Or how about to clean mud off a cauldron? This is the place to learn it all, in just 10 easy steps!  
  
-  
  
10 Things To Do To Be Popular  
  
If it doesn't work, you weren't meant to be cool in the first place...  
  
1. Go to every female in the school, even the professors or house elves, and say "Holler back mama! Woot woot!"  
  
2. Hang out with the most popular people, and if you get shoved away, then keep tagging along.  
  
3. Invite all cool kids to a party in The Three Broomsticks. Even if no one shows up, say it was a BLAST!  
  
4. Wear the newest styles. (I recommend Sizzlin' Styles by Severus Snape)  
  
5. Walk with a strut and with attitude. Even if people ask you if you have back problems, keep walking like that.  
  
6. Wear the opposite gender's cologne/perfume so people think the guys/girls are all over you, when in reality, you don't have any friends because you smell so bad.  
  
7. Sit and stand with style. Wink at everyone who passes by.  
  
8. Refer to all students as your "brothas" and "sistas".  
  
9. Walk up to everyone, smack them on the back, and say "Yo! What's up?!" Even if you don't know them.  
  
10. Refer to all teachers as "Homies".  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
The Quibbler by Donald Lovegood  
  
Bringing you stories from a different point a view. Seen strange things? I have too....  
  
-  
  
Attacking Silverware?  
  
There have been alleged reports of our school's silverware attacking the students when they're sleeping! A few students have complained that they would wake up in the middle of the night and see a few spoons and forks hovering dangerously close to their noses.  
  
"I saw it just last night! A soup spoon, 1 inch away from my eye! I'm mortified!" says a shaken up 2nd year from Slytherin.  
  
"The salt...the pepper...shakers....constantly sprinkling....feet....toes....I can't take it any more!!!!" admits a bug-eyed 4th year from Ravenclaw.  
  
An explanation for this? Only one person would know, Albus Dumbledore!  
  
"You see, its nothing to fear, its just Peeves the Poltergeist. He gets rowdy once in a while but need not worry, I'm taking care of it. Sleep tight students, I'm running a safe school."  
  
So there you have it, its just Peeves again. Well that's it for this issue. See you!  
  
-  
  
Have you seen anything unexplainable or think something is strange? Tell me about it, maybe I'll do a story on it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hogwarts Studies Updates by Amy Rogers  
  
Homework is Fun-work!  
  
-  
  
Good job Slytherins! You finally brought up your scores, even though you're still at the bottom of list, but who's counting? It seems the sunny weather from last week has affected the homework given from the professors. Last Friday, no homework was given to any students except those in their 5th year, who need it for their OWLs. Tomorrow's Astronomy classes will be cancelled for those that have it at 9:45 AM. I'm still mad about that! Ugh!  
  
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The Weather by Allen Fletchsky  
  
Ever wonder whether the weather will be fair or fairly fair? I'm here to help...  
  
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The Weather  
  
Major chill alert! Get out those house scarves because threatening winds will be blowing in this whole week! There will be also loads of freezing rain showers so be prepared for that! Wear your cloaks when walking to to greenhouses or to Care of Magical Creatures classes! Frozen fingers aren't fun, use gloves! Hot chocolate will warm up any soul, carry a thermos if nessesary.  
  
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Gossip and House Points by Vivian Starr  
  
The only juicy gossip you will find! It will surely blow your mind!  
  
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Gryffindor: 90  
  
Slytherin: 88  
  
Ravenclaw: 75  
  
Hufflepuff: 70  
  
-  
  
Seems like the students of Hogwarts have been keeping their ears alert for any sound of romance. Some struck gold as they walked pass Severus Snape and a fifth year student on Saturday afternoon. This is what they were able to pick up!  
  
"He said something like, 'Tommorrow I guess' and 'Hogsmeade together' and a bunch of other mumbo jumbo," quotes one 4th year.  
  
"I heard those EXACT words too! It was quite unnerving to see Severus even talking to a girl," added a friend of the 4th year.  
  
I was still quite skeptical about this rumor, until I questioned a few students that went to Hogsmeade on Sunday afternoon!  
  
"I saw them! My eyes, oh my Merlin! I saw them HUG!" shouted a 5th year from Hufflepuff.  
  
"It was so romantic! They were in a cozy little tea shop, and Severus was dressed in the cutest green robes ever! And his hair, so clean and shiny!" a 3rd year from Slytherin told me.  
  
"Yeah it was pretty gross," admitted a 7th year from Ravenclaw.  
  
That's enough evidence for me. A few Gryffindors did comment on the subject that was quite interesting to hear.  
  
"That's not Snape! His hair is NEVER CLEAN! And he NEVER wears anything but old BLACK robes! Isn't that right James?!" said one Gryffindor 7th year.  
  
"Right on Sirius!" replies his friend.  
  
See you in issue 6!  
  
~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
